i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
