You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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