You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
