Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
