we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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