There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
