Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
