Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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