Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
