just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
