i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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