i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
