hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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