Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
