I faked an abortion last night.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
