you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
