On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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