white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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