my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
