The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
