I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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