Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
