Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
