i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
