he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
love makes seman taste better
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
