i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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