Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
