Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
