It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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