Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
