If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
