There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
