You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
