hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
