Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
