24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
