we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
