i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have feelings that need drinking.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
