we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
