I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
