hell yes lets make some ravioli
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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