fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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