i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
