Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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