peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
