FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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