Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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