He uses pillows to masturbate.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
