Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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