i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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