The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
