yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
