Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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