one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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