I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
