There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
