I wish I could teleport
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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