I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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