When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my poor anus
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
