you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
