So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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