I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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