He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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