Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
