As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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