my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
