I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
