hotel room ftw
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
