i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
