watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
