I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
