Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
did i just pee glitter
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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