The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
