she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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