Christians are straight up FREAKS
too bad you live with your parents still
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
