So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
