Can Purell be used as lube?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
